miss you

dear best friend,
the last 48 hours have been eventful, but i feel numb to it all, & i'm hoping this will somehow reach you.
i've been dying to tell you about the bomb threat @ work & how they didn't even inform us or evacuate us.
or how the little midget lady tried to peek out my window to see why cops were everywhere & it took her 3.4 minutes to realize that she was too short to see over the suburban i had to bite my lip from laughing out loud & asking her if she wanted a boost.
or how the spreadsheet from you know where came back today & all i could do was laugh because i wanted to cry.
or how i wanted to text you: "niu".
or how i ran into my 9th grade seminary teacher & felt awful i couldn't remember his name & he remembered me.
or show you the hilarious youtube video megan showed me so we could make it a new inside joke.
or how my scriptures that have been lost for months randomly showed up in the lost & found.
or how i'm taking engagement pictures for one of my good friends who is getting married in 6 weeks & i'm actually pretty nervous about it, but in a good way.
or how i tried to find the big dipper tonight so i could tell you i found it first & hoped you were trying to find it too.
or how i'm finally pursuing the career i want & i'm gonna at least fake it big until i make it big no matter how long it takes.
or how i still can't make myself list my car on ksl & how i'd secretly hope you would tell me not to sell it again or that i needed to sell it & buy a truck so i would be safe.

but the truth is, maybe i'd just cry & tell you that getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest. because i still know today i won't see you but i still hope beyond anything else the next time i look at my phone the text will be from 'forrester'or i'll drive home & see your red truck parked out front or how i keep faking smiles because i know one day it will feel normal again. and how i miss you being the last person i talk to at night & the first person in the morning. & maybe i'd want you to lie & say this big hole in my heart will eventually get smaller and i'll remember how to talk to people without feeling awkward. but tonight i know i'm stuck talking to myself.
i miss you.
sincerely,
your bem